- So are you more [x] or [y]?
- Which do you identify with more?
- What’s more important to you, your [x] or [y] heritage?
- Which do you think you’re more of?
NO, NO, NO, NO
You do not ask these questions, or questions related to them
You also do not make any statements along the theme of:
- I consider you more [x] than [y]
- You don’t act like [x] at all, you’re totally [y]
- You’re [x] so you can’t be a real [y]
- You’re wayyy more [x] than [y]
NO, NO, NO, NO
You do not say these things
The questions about which identity we align ourselves more with are rude as hell
The implication behind your question is not
"Which do you honestly, from your experiences with your heritage and working out that identity for yourself, do you identify with more?"
"Which is more important to you?"
"Which part of your identity can you simply shrug off?"
"Which part of your identity is easier to invalidate?"
"Which part of your identity isn’t an equal part of who you are?"
As multi* people, we are all of our identities equally and at the same time- asking us to choose, or being rude enough to go ahead and choose for us, is amazingly insensitive and reflects your ignorance of multi* people and the way we construct our identities
Though we may, personally, choose to identify more with one than the other(s), that is our choice and not your business and to ask us to choose between our identities is not asking us about that choice, but to ask us about which part of our identity we feel more comfortable throwing away
We cannot throw away our identities
They are parts of us, contribute to us, build who we are and are indispensable
Do not ask us to choose
Do not choose for us
Not only that, but these questions and statements are horrifically triggering
Do you know how difficult it can be to be multi*?
To ask these questions as a mono* person is to show your ignorance of the real challenges and problems faced by multi* people
It shows your ignorance of the difficulty many of us have suffered in struggling with our identity
It shows your ignorance of the extremely hard journey many of us have gone through in dealing with how to be multi* in a binary world that at every turn, forces us to choose when we cannot
It shows your ignorance of how we cannot choose because all our identities are a part of us and your ignorance simply reflects the societal ignorance-turned-prejudice against us
It shows your ignorance of the difficulty many of us have had with other people choosing our identities for us based on how we look (more accurately, how they think we should look), how we act, our names, our speech patterns, etc
It shows your ignorance with how many of us have been sidelined because of other people choosing for us
It shows your ignorance of how other people have constantly told us we’re not “real” or “authentic” or “true”
Do not ask those questions
Do not make those statements
Do not be ignorant